How to Stop a Tank

How to Stop a Tank and Other Useful Information
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rambling man columnRock the vote…they say. What’s the point when the system is so locked into a basic premise that is so incredibly wrong. The big problem is that I don’t feel my government is evil, just misguided. Somewhere along the way from the days of aristocracy and peasants, the peasants bought into the aristocracies lie that as long as some of the peasants could become aristocracy, it was okay if most of the peasants stayed in poverty ridden streets fighting over the crumbs. Look around the world. We represent the aristocracy. Of course, that doesn’t make us exempt from having people who are so sure having cash is the answer to all of their problems that they are willing to sell drugs, rob innocents, rape the planet of resources, and cash in on their sex. That last one includes leeching scumbags and prostitutes. Those are societal driven illnesses. We see the problems in our society quite clearly: crime, drugs, violence in schools, poverty. Instead of attacking the root of these problems, we offer “Band-Aid” solutions. More cops, stricter drug laws, censorship, destruction of liberty, and welfare. When are we going to wake up to the fact that our culture is held together by a quickly stretching net of adhesive tape. The peasants are beginning to get restless. Capitalism means you get to have the chance to climb out of the sewer, but it also means most of the peasants have to remain there. Who am I to complain? Privileged white males have nothing to complain about, right? Bullshit. I can see our society sucks even if I’m not black, red, yellow, gay, handicapped, or insane. The insanity is that this “system” has suckered us all into believing life runs like the lotto. Don’t get me wrong, I got lucky. I live in the Pacific Northwest, I’m not likely to be persecuted for my race, sex, or sexual orientation. I have a better chance of getting hired, rented to, or talked to on the train. So what. Doesn’t change the fact that lots of other people are getting the shaft. It’s not that I feel our society is unfair to me, it’s that our society is not fair. I bet old Karl Marx was right about the masses rising up when they realize they’ve been getting screwed, the problem in the United States is that Americans are so brain washed into believing happiness is only as far away as a sport utility vehicle. We’re like a bunch of retarded kids who keep believing the clown is coming (fuck political correctness). Robert Heinlein once said “ manners are the grease that makes the wheels of society turn” . Personally, I’d like to see the wheels grind to halt before we PC ourselves into oblivion. All these “hatelabels” are to keep us from coming together. I don’t care if you’re a nigger, chink, retard, whore, faggot, logger, or cop, this dago mick won’t judge you until you prove yourself one way or the other. The linguistics make us hate and fear each other and it’s stupid. We perpetuate it just like we perpetuate violence by sanctioning violent retaliation to violent behavior. Again, don’t get me wrong…if you shoot at me, I’ll shoot back….but that doesn’t make it right. It’s just a lot easier if nobody needs to shoot at anyone else. I guess that’s a bit of what I call blue skying though. The world is a nasty violent place and you may have to defend yourself from tanks someday.

Y2K/ WWIII WEAPON TIP #2: HOW TO STOP A TANK
Tanks are vulnerable to terrain. A Sherman tank will sink in a cornfield. The first step to stopping a tank is having an understanding of the terrain you’re fighting on. Use it to your best advantage. Bulldozers and tractors can be used to flip tanks onto their sides. Civilians don’t have much of a chance against tanks, but it can be done. Molotov cocktails can be thrown over the engine compartment. If sufficient air is kept from the fans, any internal combustion engine will stop functioning. There is a way to create a naplm like fuel from common materials, but I’m not in to revealing how to make weapons. I like the tactics. Necessity is the mother of invention. Explosives can be used, to blow the tread of older tanks. A 55 gallon drum of explosive buried as a mine can do the trick. You can figure out your own detonation system. The best tactic in any situation where you are outgunned is to set up snipers or to disappear into your familiar terrain until a better opportunity presents itself.

Ramblin’ Man: How to Throw a Handgrenade

rambling man columnY2K/ WWIII WEOPON TIP #1
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The world is quickly heading to hell in a hand basket. I find myself prepared for whatever should come my way. Truly. I am trained by one of the worlds foremost military forces. My mother trained my siblings and I to be world class outdoor survivalists. I’m familiar with several methods of hand to hand combat as well as handheld, vehicle mounted, and vehicle mounted weopon systems. I’ve been really poor most of my life, so I’m a master scavenger. Someone suggested that I pass some of my vast survival knowledge on to those who may need it real soon…all of you.

HOW TO THROW A HANDGRENADE.

1. Determine the type of handgrenade. If it’s round it’ s probably a fragmentation grenade, these explode into schrapnel. If it’s a cylinder it’s probably an incenidary device, these are used for burning through things. If it’s egg shaped it’s most likely for illumination, these are used to provide light for work or signaling. If it’s a cannister it is probably gas, it could be a few different kinds.

2.Grip the grenade firmly in your fist holding the safety lever firmly down under your thumb, while placing your fore finger near the top of the grenade.

3. Hook the finger of your other hand through the pin.

4. Pull the pin out by twisting and pulling.

5. Point your free arm where you would like the grenade to go. Throw the grenade and step forward to follow through.

6. Watch the Grenade as you dive to the ground.

It is important to hit the ground quickly to protect yourself from the grenade and whoever is probably shooting at you. Handgrenades are not for kids in this country although we’ve had kids in other countries throw all kinds of bombs at our military. It is important to practice. Practice grenades can be bought at most surplus stores. You should be able to throw it about 25 yards, because that’s about how far you want to be from it when it explodes. Most grenades will explode 4 to 7 seconds after the safety lever is released. Once it is released, it’s going to explode. You release the safety when you release hold of the grenade. The lever should fly with the grenade. Go see Saving Private Ryan if you want to see what a greande does to a human body.

HATEMAIL OF THE WEEK

B’hamblin man, Bumblin idjit is more like it. In a recent article you said most homeless people are homeless by choice. You also said you’d let two albanian muslims stay in your house. Why not let a couple of homeless Aids patients, heroin addicts, or mentally ill people from Bellingham. You’re a hippocrit and full of shit. Bob Andrews.

Bob, I’ll stand by my views. There are very few people in this country with no options. Food Stamps, Welfare, The Food Bank, Shelters, Missions, Soup Kitchens, Churches, and Relief organizations give people many options, many of them forbid drugs or alcohol. That is the homeless persons choice. I hope you get some medication. It’s your decision.

Ramblin’ Man: Peace? Impossible

rambling man column

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If the Serbians accept the plan proposed by NATO is that peace? Of course not.

Peace is unbelievable in our current system. We are suffering from a lack of morality. The morality to refuse to profit from the suffering of others. Do you think the leaders of the world want to take the profit out of the press and the safe out of dolphin? Of course not. Sheer and utter nonsense. They want us to have nonstrategic victories and the lure of the magic dollar.

There are people who have made billions from the NATO Campaign. Billions of dollars from close to 18,000 deaths caused by our bombs, no matter the price in human life and suffering. I do not have a moral objection to using weapons strategically to achieve a valid military goal, I do have a rather strong objection to individuals making a profit from war. Doesn’t that make a military conflict in the capitalist’s interest?
Perhaps its time to resurrect the phrase JUST SAY NO!! Just say no to profit from suffering.

I’m not an economist, I can’t tell you how to set up the system but there are regular people out there that have this figured out. Some guy stuck in a desk job probably figures this kind of thing out for kicks.

Peace? No way. They’ll never let us have that because it is impossible in the current system. They can’t give us Peace without making drastic changes that would rearrange the power structure. They don’t want to give up the benefits of affluence. They’re poking us with lit cigarettes and telling us its a massage. The flaw in our culture probably stems from the fact that it is built on the back of a slave and the corpse of an Indian.

Our founding fathers were brilliant and cruel. They did not have our morality. We have evolved conscientiously, yet we still falter because we are trapped in a paradigm that demands exploitation of the weak. We look forward to having commercials manipulate our brains into thinking we need a product or service that we don’t need at all. We buy things. We buy things because we think we need them. We think we need them because advertising has convinced us that we need ziplock baggies and pink flamingos in our yards.

We are not the masters of our ships. We are not the captains of our souls. We need things and we can’t rock the boat and get rid of our 40 hours a week, barely scraping by, salary. We need things and so it continues on, resting precariously on the collapse of computers, World War, or Solar Flares knocking out every bit of satellite communication next spring. Prepare to have less, one way or another. Hopefully there won’t be a massive loss of life. If there is you should know how to take care of wounded comrades and loved ones.

Y2K WWIII SURVIVAL TIP #3: INITIAL LIFESAVING STEPS

Assuming your casualty is unconscious.
1) Clear the airway. Place the victim on their back and clear the airway. Place your hand under the victims neck, while tilting the head back.
2) Check for breathing. Listen and feel for breathing while watching for the rise and fall of the victims chest.
3) If they are not breathing perform CPR.
4) Stop the bleeding from the victims wounds using compress’ or if necessary a tourniquet. Be sure to check for entry and exit wounds.
5) Treat for shock. Keep the victims head higher than their feet. Keep the victim warm. If conscious keep the victim calm and still.
6) Do not replace protruding organs. Cover wounds and organs with dressing and bandage securely.
7) Get medical assistance as soon as possible.
If we remain calm we can reduce the loss of life.

Ramblin’ Man: Y2K for your Dining Pleasure

It’s the same old spin. War equals peace-keeping. Officers of the peace are police and we’re involved in another “police action”.

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rambling man columnHitlers power rested on a foundation of media manipulation, public spin, and staged events.Do you ever wonder if we’re getting fed the worlds biggest snowjob? They’re not saying too much about Y2K these days? Are they wagging the dog with expensive yet effective air wars on, shall we say, non strategic countries. .

Are critical systems compliant? What should we do to prepare? What is mission critical? and more importantly what isn’t? for instance…is hospital gear critical? Emergency services? City traffic lights? Will the three day New Years holiday be enough to fix grocery registers and gas pumps? Will milk machines have the power to milk the vast herds of dairy cows in Lynden? Supposedly the Y2K crisis is supposed to affect the rest of the world quite badly? Ever heard of the global economy? Economic failures in one country spill over to the next.

It’s the same old spin. War equals peace-keeping. Officers of the peace are police and we’re involved in another “police action”. Remember the last police action? This is going to be ugly folks. Remember Nostradamus said that World War III would start July 17th.

As if that’s not enough, everything is okay with the computers they’re working on the solar flare satellite catastophe. Since the last flares ( more than a decade ago) our national electric grid has changed drastically and we have become dependent on satellite communications. We’re sitting ducks.

While we’re on the subject of cellphones, doesn’t it seem ridiculous that authorities are limited to the same cells as the public? During the recent explosion at Whatcom Creek, authorities asked that citizens not use their cell phones because all the traffic was keeping them from finding out or communicating necessary information. Bullshit. 1) the autorities should have a more reliable system of communication and 2) most people I know have cell phones as an emergency measure to get in touch with loved ones. For the cost of a cell phone, I better be able to call my loved ones and tell them I’m okay or vice versa. Don’t plan on calling anyone if the shit hits the fan.

NATO SCORE CARD!!!!

Approximate results of the bombing on Yugosavia: Over 100 Serbian aircraft destroyed, 2 NATO planes, 10 Serbian airfields destroyed, 314 Serbian artillery pieces, 203 Serbian armored personnel carriers, 120 Serbian tanks, 268 other Serbian military vehicles, 14 Serbian command posts, 34 highway bridges, 11 railroad bridges, 57% of all oil reserves, all refineries, 29% of ammunition storage. 10,000 Serb soldiers killed, 1,500 civilians killed, 5000 civilians wounded, 3 Chinese killed, one Chinese embassy destroyed,, 1.8 million Kosovar ethnic Albanians displaced.
Results of the ground war: 2 german journalists, 2 serbians, relations with Russia strained severely.

I want your hatemail!!!

Last night God said if I don’t receive 150 pieces of hatemail in the next 2 weeks, aliens will abduct me and I’ll never be heard from again…. so heres the plan. You can hatemail me about anything you have a question about…ANYTHING!!!.. I will answer all questions. Ever question has an answer, and I have them all. Remember, in the public spin of these times, war equals peace and hate equals love, so no need to be bashful. Only your hatemail can save me from getting probed!

Ramblin’ Man: Millennium Celebrations…..

The Millenium

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rambling man column
What are you planning to do for the big millenium celebration. My friend Tracy is going on a luxury cruise to the Virgin Islands. That sounds prety good. Her husband Mike has decided to stay home and lock himself in the closet with a 12 gauge! Ringin in the New Year with a blast, if someone comes to take his sports coats!Tough to say what I’ll do. Probably spend it camping in the San Juans or sitting on a mountain top somewhere. Like hell I want to be anywhere near where huge groups of people will be celebrating. When I was a teenager, I used to love big parties. Whoopee! A kegger and theres 45 people there getting piss drunk. Even in high school, that was a recipe for a few fist fights, lots of drunk driving, and probably some poor girl getting date raped. About the last thing I want to do is be penned into some city center with 30 thousand drunks. I would be willing to bet at least one of them will be carrying a gun, and a few of those guys who liked to fight in high school never grew out of it, trust me. Spending the turning of the millenium kissing a stranger sounds kind of dangerous. I’m sure 80,000 rednecks will be firing their rifles in the air, where will the bullets come down. Maybe a mountain top isn’t such a good idea. I like to think some day, I’ll be alive to tell my children about the night nothing happened. Might make some sort of a difference where I spend it.

Ramblin’ Man: Ego and More Y2K

More Y2K Fun

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rambling man columnWhy two thousand, why not measure with a different system, then we can miss all the unpleasantness which comes with rounded numbers. Our own ten digits have caused us to mystify, glorify, and even worship numbers ending in five and zero

MORE Y2K FUN!!!!

Have you started to prepare your Y2K survival kit yet? It might be a good time to start figuring out what is important to you in our technology dependent, consumer creating, resource depleting, pollution spewing, disgustingly corrupt, and greed driven society. My personal kit contains a sleeping bag, matches, and the following “essential “ items: A big knife, my rambo survival kit, 3 packs of M&M’s, a dirty magazine (just in case everyone else disappears), 47 baseball cards, 7 packs of pepper, and a roll of toilet paper. I can’t think of anything else that means anything to me. The power goes out at midnight and fifteen minutes later a million Canadian troops are gonna burst through the Peace Arch. They’ve been waitng for this. You can’t prepare for Y2K too soon. The year everyone freaks out in. Why two thousand? Why not use a different calendar, then we can miss all the chaos which comes with rounded numbers. Our own ten digits have caused us to mystify, glorify, and even worship numbers ending in zero. The continent was first invaded by Europeans (excluding Vikings) five hundred and seven years ago….That means that in the year 2k, it will also be “year 508”. There’s nothing sinister about “year 508”, except that it coincides with Y2K! It’s sort of fun imagining that society is going to turn into some sort of Mad Max movie. My mother is already stashing canned goods and milkjugs of water in the basement next to her Geiger counter. The Russian silos aren’t protected you know!.Any way you count it, the next nine months will be interesting. My e-mail alone….

I didn’t really expect a letter asking for advice. I am not a professional therapist, I’ve never been an advice columnist, and quite frankly, I give pretty bad advice. That being said…..

Dear Ramblin’ Man,
I’ve been enjoying your column. I wonder if you can help me with a little problem I’ve been having. My mother hates my girlfriend. My girlfriend hates my mother. What should I do? It makes it hard on me because I love them both. Sincerely,
Stuck.

Dear Stuck ,

Invite both of them to an event with you. Then stand them both up. When you don’t show up, their natural woman anger will cause them to bond in their hatred of you. The closer they get, the less likely your girlfriend is to dump you because she won’t want to hurt your mom. Let the women become friends and before you know it they will be in the kitchen together, baking cookies. But remember, free advice is worth what you pay for it.