With interest, I’ve watched the reactions of different people as I propose a series of plans that are not what I ‘should’ do. Everyone has a should of their own and they feel free to impose it on my worldview. For the most part, people have the same reactions they had when I decided to move to Hawai’i or when I decided to walk around the perimeter of Oahu or make my way by foot and thumb across Canada or move to Alaska or travel the world or start a blog or any of another gazillion ‘impossible’ things I have done. The reactions tend to be one of the following:
1) That’s Awesome. You should…(shares something they want to do or think would be of benefit). These are the people I care most about. They trust me. They know me. They encourage me.
2) Hmmm…I don’t see how you will you (fill in the blank – get the money, make this work, do this at all, etc) You should…(and they tell me that I should do something which they are doing or were told they should do). These are very often people who I think care about me, but they don’t understand me, they don’t ‘get’ me, and they never will.
3) And then there are the others – they are the haters who simply try to smash your ideas or dreams and discourage you. These people might pretend to be your friends or loved ones, but they only love themselves. At best these people are selfish pricks, at worst they are life saboteurs. People who are unhappy with their own lives and will stop at nothing to make sure that everyone else remains as unhappy as they do. Do yourself a favor, just take them out of your life.
4) One last group bears mentioning…the group who use your idea to springboard into talking about themselves. Just turn and walk away, they aren’t worth talking to or bothering with – they will not even notice you are gone (once they find another person – any person – to tell about themselves). These are the people who plant big uncomfortable kisses on you despite the fact you have told them you don’t like to be kissed. The guilt trippers who will do anything to show you how wonderful they are except shut up and leave you alone. These are the energy vampires. If you can’t stick a stake through their hearts, just do your best to avoid them.
Type 1 can be present at any stage.
Type 2 tend to be around during the naysaying – they are the type who offer help when they don’t think you need it but are often absent when you actually do because suddenly life prevents them from doing what they say…this type will offer you all the help in the world but when you actually ask them for work/results/action – they just can’t do it. I first became of this type when I published my first magazine – I had tons of backers and help offered for as long as I did all the work and paid for everything – when I needed help, everyone was busy – and six months later my magazine failed and I had a nervous breakdown. It’s best to just accept that the promises of this type are hot air and if they come through – sweet Jesus, it’s a fucking miracle.
Type 3 Haters just gotta hate, but they want you to think they do it because they care (about someone besides themselves)
Type 4 Energy suckers are worse than haters. If you can’t stick a stake through their hearts, just do your best to avoid them.
So, all of that to say – don’t do what they think you should unless it is what you think you should do and you believe it is what you truly need to do.