Satan Deserves An Oscar for his role in Beauty and the Beast

2017 is a strange world for this kid who was raised in the hippie christian 1970s and bizarro mega church 1980s. I never thought I would see a movie where Satan played the male romantic lead without having to even change his appearance. But there it is, Satan, Baphomet, the horned beast with goat hooves – sweeping the village beauty off of her feet. Now, look, all that christian mythology isn’t my thing. I’m a Buddhist and not the kind that prays to Benihana – but this is pretty trippy. America is a bizarre place where poor people elect a ‘populist’ who has a gilded toilet seat (and who may actually have sold his soul to the devil (Putin)) or might actually be the devil himself – and the highest grossing movie of the year is about Satan – the poor misunderstood sweetheart that will lock you in a cage but then sweep you off your feet. All you have to do is love Satan and then you can have your own Mar el Lago Resort and a new Ivanka Trump line of clothing.

All that being said – it was a great movie. I enjoyed it. And as far as Satan goes, good for him for finally getting the role he always wanted – the poor, misunderstood kid who did terrible things but only because of his awful father – not because he was bad. And, he looked handsome even with his horns and goat hooves. My daughter asked the logical question “How come he never wears shoes?” My first answer was that he didn’t have a cobbler, but hey, it’s a magic castle and someone is making those huge jackets he is wearing after the first act – so I didn’t really have an answer except – Hooves are harder than shoes.

So, that’s that. Nice work Satan. You deserve the Oscar. Emma Watson too.