The Pyramid Conspiracy Theorist aka The Smartest Man in the World

The smartest man in the world came into my shop today – he didn’t overtly say he was the smartest man in the world, but it was obvious he had the answers to everything. Jesuits, he was ready to tell me about their conspiracy. He told me how the Ancient Egyptians were actually Aryans and … Continue reading “The Pyramid Conspiracy Theorist aka The Smartest Man in the World”

The smartest man in the world came into my shop today – he didn’t overtly say he was the smartest man in the world, but it was obvious he had the answers to everything. Jesuits, he was ready to tell me about their conspiracy. He told me how the Ancient Egyptians were actually Aryans and used swastikas in their ancient ceremonies and all about how the Jews we consider the Jews weren’t really the Jews at all because the real Jews were all black. He told me about an upside down pyramid in Alaska and Pyramids in Mississippi and Missouri and how there are pyramids on every continent buried under piles of dirt and how he someday wants to travel to them all and light them with strings of LED lights but not to tell Mark Burnett because he would steal the reality show idea from him (oops, oh well, he probably isn’t reading this – not Burnett or the smartest man in the world). Oh the things he told me – and all of that without me even asking to be told anything at all! In fact, when he started to tell me anything at all, I kept saying “I don’t want to know about any of that, I just want to watch reality TV and live in this little town where nothing happens. He told me about big cities and dangerous neighborhoods and he told me about the real problems in the world and how companies can be profitable and what I should buy to sell in my shop. He told me about how Mermaids were dangerous and would eat you (if they were real) and then told me that they are real and he has seen videos of them circling around oil rigs waiting to eat the workers. He told me about more pyramids and how they were obvious and everyone knew about them but people chose to just overlook them and so he was going to expose them (again) with LED lights.

It was exhausting trying to get the smartest man in the world to stop telling me things. I tried every polite trick in the world, but none of them worked. He showed me pictures on his phone that I didn’t ask to see. Finally, he left. I prefer to not be around such smart people. I’m very tired of being trapped in my shop when they come to share their knowledge with me. Yes, I’m almost through with this aspect of my life. That knowledge is all that I need at present, thank you very much.

Creepy Clowns – Collective Psychosis Manifesting (in ways that aren’t Donald Trump)

I think it’s fair to say that our collective psychosis has been on display for a while now – first let me define the words
psychosis- a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.
collective – all of us, together, as a whole

So, our collective psychosis is our societal loss with reality. I can think of countless examples..
unfettered capitalism
war leading to peace
trickle down economics
government sponsored insurance corporations
lack of campaign finance control
student debt
privatized ‘for profit’ prisons
planetary rape despite climate change
denial of climate change
school shootings
road rage
glorification of ‘anti-heroes’

The list could go on and on…these are dangerous delusions. Native American people called this psychic disease ‘wetico’ – it’s been with us for a long time, but the most obvious symptom is the individuals dissociation with reality – the adoption and often violent defense of what is obviously not true. There is a painfully obvious denial of one’s connection to the rest of our species, our biosphere, our universe, our reality. Those suffering from it exist in a universe where they are completely alone and only their needs, wants, and desires matter. Donald Trump is a good example of a full blown case…the support of him would seem to support a mass outbreak affecting huge swaths of the population. The recent outbreak of creepy clown sightings – in my opinion – are a visual manifestation of our broken psyches – a visual hallucination shared by a cohort of severely traumatized individuals who are struggling to make sense of an increasingly insane outer world. Are they real? I’ve no idea – if they are real, it is just another sign of our collective madness – a real world symptom of the breakdown of the human consciousness. If they are not real – it really doesn’t matter. The creepy clown in chief is right there in front of us all, placed there by one of the powerful institutions we are supposed to put our trust in. I’m not sure there is a cure for the illness we suffer – like those movies where people are exposed to an evil video tape and it tags them for death – I think our greed, our inflated sense of self importance, our acceptance of evil as necessary for the good, our delusions – all of it has been spread with the speed of a California wildfire after six years of drought amidst heavy Santa Ana winds via the internet, binge watching television, and smart phones. No video tape necessary, just a wifi connection. Don’t expect the clown sightings to go away. A few years ago, I had a website called Clownjazeera – I wanted to make a news site where creepy clowns did the news – deadpan, with no explanation. It never happened, which is probably a good thing. Here on this site, my obsession with creepy clowns manifested on this site too…there are a lot of creepy clowns on this site from around the 2005-2008 period…my only conclusion is that I’ve been suffering from this disease for longer than most – to quote a man named Skeeter who I once interviewed about his organization ‘Friends of the Trees’ “The bad news is that the world is headed towards hell in a handbasket. The good news (if good news there be) is that more people are aware of it.”

How Would The World Change If We Found Extraterrestrial Life? – Astrobiology Magazine

HOW WOULD THE WORLD CHANGE IF WE FOUND EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE? By Elizabeth Howell – Jan 29, 2015The ALH84001 meteorite, which in a 1996 Science publication was speculated to be host to what could be ancient Martian fossils. That finding is still under dispute today. Credit: NASA/JSC/Stanford UniversityIn 1938, Orson Welles narrated a radio broadcast of “War of the Worlds” as a series of simulated radio bulletins of what was happening in real time as Martians arrived on our home planet. The broadcast is widely remembered for creating public panic, although to what extent is hotly debated today.Still, the incident serves as an illustration of what could happen when the first life beyond Earth is discovered. While scientists might be excited by the prospect, introducing the public, politicians and interest groups to the idea could take some time.How extraterrestrial life would change our world view is a research interest of Steven Dick, who just completed a term as the Baruch S. Blumberg NASA/Library of Congress Chair of Astrobiology. The chair is jointly sponsored by the NASA Astrobiology Program and the John W. Kluge Center, at the Library of Congress.Dick is a former astronomer and historian at the United States Naval Observatory, a past chief historian for NASA, and has published several books concerning the discovery of life beyond Earth. To Dick, even the discovery of microbes would be a profound shift for science.“If we found microbes, it would have an effect on science, especially biology, by universalizing biology,” he said. “We only have one case of biology on Earth. It’s all related. It’s all DNA-based. If we found an independent example on Mars or Europa, we have a chance of forming a universal biology.”

via How Would The World Change If We Found Extraterrestrial Life? – Astrobiology Magazine.

The Occult Rocket Scientist Who Conjured Spirits with L. Ron Hubbard | Motherboard

parsonsThe Jet Propulsion Laboratory is the world leader in space exploration. JPL scientists have put robots on Mars, sent probes into interstellar space, and collected dust from the tails of comets. But what if the real purpose behind its mission was something darker?What if the lab was less interested in exploring outer space than the depths of the void? What if its researchers huddled around their computer screens in search of paranormal entities or dark gods crawling clear of the event horizons of nearby black holes?Of course, that’s not the case. JPL is not part of some Joss Whedon-esque occult-industrial complex. It does not mingle science with the supernatural. Yet one of its founders did."Slain Scientist Priest in Black Magic Cult" read one headline after the death of John Whiteside Parsons on June 17, 1952.“John W Parsons, handsome 37 year old rocket scientist killed Tuesday in a chemical explosion, was one of the founders of a weird semi-religious cult that flourished here about 10 years ago," read a report.The rhetoric got more lavish as the days went by.Read more: The Hell Portal Where NASA’s Rocket King Hung Out With L. Ron“Often an enigma to his friends [he] actually led two lives….In one he probed deep into the scientific fields of speed and sound and stratosphere—and in another he sought the cosmos which man has strived throughout the ages to attain; to weld science and philosophy and religion into a Utopian existence," wrote one paper.Soon the newspapers were at fever pitch with talk of “sexual perversion," “black robes," “sacred fire," and “intellectual necromancy.” At the heart of every story was one simple question: Who the hell was this guy?It’s hard to find as weird and tragic a tale in the annals of science as that of John Whiteside Parsons. Born 100 years ago, Parsons seemed devoted to reconciling opposites, smashing together the technical and the spiritual, the white lab coat and the black robe, fact and fiction, science and magic.

via The Occult Rocket Scientist Who Conjured Spirits with L. Ron Hubbard | Motherboard.

Thank God for Stupid Terrorists

On this anniversary of the September 11th attacks – which I’m sad to hear called Patriot Day – because it’s not about patriotism – it’s about a heinous and cowardly act and mourning the innocent men, women, and children who died as a result – anyway, on this September 11th, I’d like to give thanks for stupid terrorists.

Apparently the smartest ones died in the first attacks (and those later in Europe and Africa) because since that time, there have been nothing but bumbling shoe bombers and nincompoop jihadists trying to arrange terrorist acts with FBI informants or using thier cellphones to arrange meetups. Thank god they are all apparently retarded.

There have been no successful terrorist campaigns and at the point when they look like they might be on the verge of setting up an Islamic State and having the world let them – the idiots decide it’s a perfect time to execute American journalists and make threats to the American people. Jesus H. Christ – didn’t these boobs realize that the war weary American public and the second term President would have let them create their own country and have all of Iraq and Syria (and probably much of the rest of the middle East) if they would have just left the Kurdish oil fields in peace and not taunted the most powerful, egotistical, and fearful country in the world?

Now we watch as the idiots make a mockery of themselves and get systematically bombed and bludgeoned until something smarter and less prone to provoke American fear and it’s deadly response replaces them. Fuck you Isis, you should have called yourself Shazam.

Anyway, thank god for the idiot terrorists who haven’t managed to poison our water supply even though a drunk kid in Portland managed to piss in the drinking water reservoir just several months ago.

Thank God for idiot terrorists who haven’t figured out that a truck stop or buffet would be a great place to poison a bunch of pork eating infidels. And thank god they didn’t figure out they could shut down our electric grid and freeze hundreds of seniors or derail trains carrying toxic waste through urban areas.

It’s hard to believe the terrorists are so lazy, stupid, and idiotic that they haven’t figured out they could poison our air by mixing bleach and ammonia in a confined stadium or sell a bunch of toxic waste filled containers to someone that wanted to make a few extra bucks storing it on their land bordering agricultural fields. It’s really hard to believe.

If they wanted to, it seems like they could have killed so many of us by now…but then, maybe we should thank god for our genius homeland security and the long lines at airports and the invasive searches and wire tapping that have foiled the plots we never heard of. Maybe we should thank George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for the war against terrorism.

Or maybe, the terrorists are smarter than we think – maybe they are playing the long game and just waiting for us to implode and destroy ourselves with GMO foods, carcinogenic additives, pill popping depressed grade schoolers, and narcissistic social media obsessed sociopathic teens who don’t know the difference between killing a zombie on TV and shooting a person in the park.

Either way, thank God for idiot terrorists and for the fact that since 2001, there has not been another successful mass attack on the people of the USA.