Breakupnews.com – Glossary of Breakup Terms

My bitter friend sent me this. Bitter people are often much funnier than happy people. Dennis Miller was wayyyy funnier when he was bitter.

Antiquing
Systematically going back and sleeping with everyone you’ve ever dated. A neat trick if you can pull it off.

Breakup Sex
Coitus with a party immediately following the agreement to sever romantic ties. Often confused by the more amorous party as being make up sex.

Cubic Zirconium
The stone with which a woman replaces the diamond in her engagement ring before returning it to her fiance. Proceeds from selling the original stone are often used by the former fiancee to buy Vibratex Rabbit vibrators for herself and her 87 closest friends.

Dog catching
The uplifting yet disturbing realization that your ex’s current flame is a real dog, which means either he or she is much cooler than you and doesn’t need to be good looking, or you’re a lot worse looking than you thought you were.

Drunk Dialing
Always a bad idea

Ex Sex
Post-relationship nookie with a recently ditched lover. Often the result of the epiphany that you might never have sex with anyone else again…for free.

Gay Day
The short period immediately following a breakup with a man where a woman considers “going gay.” It subsides after watching ten minutes of the next morning’s Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Outsourcing
Diversifying your love life so as to minimize the emotional damage any single break could do. A good outsourcer would have one partner for hanging out (someone gay if you’re straight), one to have casual sex with, and one who will buy you stuff.

Payback Sack
The art of sleeping with anyone and everyone your ex has cared for, including, his (or her) family, friends, hairdresser and Rabbi.

Breakupnews.com – Glossary of Breakup Terms

A much better plan to save the economy!

I found this in my email this morning (Thanks Rev!). It makes sense to me.

Hi Pals,
I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband a nd wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( ‘vote buy’ ) economic incentive that is being proposed
by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do a n $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.
Sure it’s a crazy idea that can ‘never work.’
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion
We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,
Birk
T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Rep ub lic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it’s either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

Kim Jong Il is missing, Florida in the crossfire, the world ends Wednesday, and your plastic water bottle

Speculation was mounting last night over the health of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong Il. He has not been seen in public for more than three weeks, and, according to a source who has seen intelligence reports, five Chinese physicians entered North Korea about a week ago and are still there.

The 66-year-old leader was last seen on 14 August, when he inspected a military unit. State media carry reports every time Mr Kim attends a public event, but never comment on his health. An official with South Korea’s main spy agency, the National Intelligence Service, has said Mr Kim has chronic heart disease and diabetes but that his illnesses have not affected his public duties.

North Korea next week marks 60 years since its foundation. An annual military parade is usually staged on the anniversary. If Mr Kim doesn’t attend, this may indicate his health has worsened, South Korean officials believe.

And have you ever wondered what would happen if Florida gets slammed by more hurricanes?

a series of studies have made it clear that if the Big One or even a Pretty Big One strikes, Florida is going to have very serious problems. The state-run insurance firm and the Catastrophe Fund have just a few billion dollars on hand, so a major storm would force both entities to float massive bond issues in an unfavorable market, and to make up their shortfalls through gigantic assessments on policyholders. A House committee recently warned that the state would have “extreme difficulty paying its obligations” after a 100-year storm, and that premiums on nearly every property, car and business could skyrocket. A report for the state Office of Insurance Regulation found that even a 50-year storm would cause extreme financial stress, especially given the current credit crunch.

It could happen this week…we will see. Speaking of the credit crunch. The U.S. has taken over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Desperate measures for desperate times.

Officials announced that both giant institutions were being placed in a government conservatorship, a move that could end up costing taxpayers billions of dollars. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said allowing the companies to fail would have extracted a far higher price on consumers by driving up the cost of home loans and all other types of borrowing because the failures would “create great turmoil in our financial markets here at home and around the globe.”

Hang on to that gold! The federal takeover is one of the largest bail-outs in US history. ACtually don’t worry, The CERN goes on Wednesday ending all existance as we know it.

GENEVA – It has been called an Alice in Wonderland investigation into the makeup of the universe — or dangerous tampering with nature that could spell doomsday.

Whatever the case, the most powerful atom-smasher ever built comes online Wednesday, eagerly anticipated by scientists worldwide who have awaited this moment for two decades.

The multibillion-dollar Large Hadron Collider will explore the tiniest particles and come ever closer to re-enacting the big bang, the theory that a colossal explosion created the universe.

The machine at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, promises scientists a closer look at the makeup of matter, filling in gaps in knowledge or possibly reshaping theories.

The first beams of protons will be fired around the 17-mile tunnel to test the controlling strength of the world’s largest superconducting magnets. It will still be about a month before beams traveling in opposite directions are brought together in collisions that some skeptics fear could create micro “black holes” and endanger the planet.

The project has attracted researchers of 80 nationalities, some 1,200 of them from the United States, which contributed $531 million of the project’s price tag of nearly $4 billion.

“This only happens once a generation,” said Katie Yurkewicz, spokeswoman for the U.S. contingent at the CERN project. “People are certainly very excited.”

The collider at Fermilab outside Chicago could beat CERN to some discoveries, but the Geneva equipment, generating seven times more energy than Fermilab, will give it big advantages.

The CERN collider is designed to push the proton beam close to the speed of light, whizzing 11,000 times a second around the tunnel 150 to 500 feet under the bucolic countryside on the French-Swiss border.

Once the beam is successfully fired counterclockwise, a clockwise test will follow. Then the scientists will aim the beams at each other so that protons collide, shattering into fragments and releasing energy under the gaze of detectors filling cathedral-sized caverns at points along the tunnel.

CERN dismisses the risk of micro black holes, subatomic versions of collapsed stars whose gravity is so strong they can suck in planets and other stars.

But the skeptics have filed suit in U.S. District Court in Hawaii and in the European Court of Human Rights to stop the project. They unsuccessfully mounted a similar action in 1999 to block the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York state.

CERN’s collider has been under construction since 2003, financed mostly by its 20 European member states. The United States and Japan are major contributors with observer status in CERN.

Scientists started colliding subatomic particles decades ago. As the machines grew more powerful, the experiments revealed that protons and neutrons — previously thought to be the smallest components of an atom — were made of still smaller quarks and gluons.

CERN hopes to recreate conditions in the laboratory a split-second after the big bang, teaching them more about “dark matter,” antimatter and possibly hidden dimensions of space and time.

Meanwhile, scientists have found innovative ways to explain the concept in layman’s terms.

The team working on one of the four major installations in the tunnel — the ALICE, or “A Large Ion Collider Experiment” — produced a comic book featuring Carlo the physicist and a girl called Alice to explain the machine’s investigation of matter a split second after the Big Bang.

“We create mini Big Bangs by bumping two nuclei into each other,” Carlo explains to Alice, who has just followed a rabbit down one of the hole-like shafts at CERN.

“This releases an enormous amount of energy that liberates thousands of quarks and gluons normally imprisoned inside the nucleus. Quarks and gluons then form a kind of thick soup that we call the quark-gluon plasma.”

The soup cools quickly and the quarks and gluons stick together to form protons and neutrons, the building blocks of matter.

That will enable scientists to look for still missing pieces to the puzzle — or lead to the formulation of a new theory on the makeup of matter.

Kate McAlpine, 23, a Michigan State University graduate at CERN, has produced the Large Hadron Rap, a video clip that has attracted more than a million views on YouTube.

“The things that it discovers will rock you in the head,” McAlpine raps as she dances in the tunnel and caverns.

CERN spokesman James Gillies said the lyrics are “absolutely scientifically spot on.”

“It’s quite brilliant,” Gillies said.

About as brilliant as using poison to make your dinnerware and waterbottles out of.

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Scientists reported this week new evidence that low doses of the chemical bisphenol A (BPA), widely used to make plastic food and drinking containers, can impair brain function in primates, extending the findings of previous research conducted in rats.

Whether the amount of BPA that leaches out of containers into food and beverages represents an environmental risk is a subject of controversy.

“Our primate model indicates that BPA could negatively affect brain function in humans,” study investigator Tibor Hajszan said in a press release from the Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut.

Hajszan and colleagues examined the influence of continuous exposure to BPA at a daily dose representing the US Environmental Protection Agency’s current reference safe daily limit (50 micrograms per kilogram) in young adult African green monkeys.

According to a report in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences this week, BPA completely abolished the formation of some nerve connections in two key regions of the brain – the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.

These findings have “profound implications,” the investigators maintain, given the critical role of these nerve connections in cognition and mood.

“Based on these findings, we think the EPA may wish to consider lowering its ‘safe daily limit’ for human BPA consumption,” Hajszan said.

Sailor finishes trip using wave power

TOKYO » A Japanese adventurer aboard a boat powered by ocean waves arrived in his homeland Friday, more than three months after he set sail from Hawaii.

Kenichi Horie said good weather and fish he caught along the way made his long journey enjoyable.

Horie claims the trip was the world’s longest solo voyage in a wave-powered boat. The journey would have taken just 10 days in a regular diesel-powered vessel, but Horie said he opted for the wave-powered boat to raise awareness about the environment.

Sailor finishes trip using wave power | starbulletin.com | News | /2008/07/06/

Then there’s this guy. I’m not sure what he is raising awareness of….

CAMBRIDGE, Idaho (AP) — Using his trusty BB gun to help him return to Earth, a 48-year-old gas station owner flew a lawn chair rigged with helium-filled balloons more than 200 miles across the Oregon desert Saturday, landing in a field in Idaho.

Ore. man completes flight of fancy – in lawn chair

Cyclone deaths up to at least 22000

YANGON, Myanmar – The cyclone death toll soared above 22,000 on Tuesday and more than 41,000 others were missing as foreign countries mobilized to rush in aid after the country’s deadliest storm on record, state radio reported.

Up to 1 million people may be homeless after Cyclone Nargis hit the Southeast Asian nation, also known as Burma, early Saturday. Some villages have been almost totally eradicated and vast rice-growing areas are wiped out, the World Food Program said.

Myanmar claims up to 10,000 dead in Cyclone

YANGON (Reuters) – Myanmar’s military junta believes at least 10,000 people died in a cyclone that ripped through the Irrawaddy delta, triggering a massive international aid response for the pariah state in southeast Asia.

“The basic message was that they believe the provisional death toll was about 10,000 with 3,000 missing,” a Yangon-based diplomat told Reuters in Bangkok, summarizing a briefing from Foreign Minister Nyan Win. “It’s a very serious toll.”

The scale of the disaster from Saturday’s devastating cyclone drew a rare acceptance of outside help from the diplomatically isolated generals, who spurned such approaches in the aftermath of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami.