I hate having garage sales – a pointless rant

Before anyone tells me not to have a garage sale if I hate having them – let me point out that this is exactly what I’m doing by writing this – reminding myself of – not to have garage sales in the future.

Here’s the thing – I enjoy going to garage sales – but having one of our own is a bummer that I forget about until I’m in the midst of setting it up or dealing with the cheapos and wack jobs that show up for such things. They show up early, they make offers that are insulting (Will you take a nickel for this?) and in general – I’m pretty sure that giving all this stuff to charity for a tax write off is the better option – so let’s hope I remember this the next time I consider having a yard sale or garage sale.

Yes, there are some nice people and yes, we usually end up making a fair amount of money – but the days usually start off bad with people ignoring the signs or free listings on craigslist which say 8 am, no earlybirds – and before we get the chance to set up we have people going into our garage or opening up boxes without so much as a by your leave.

Then there are the old ladies with thier nickel and dimes and even worse the younger ladies or men with their nickels or dimes. Look, I’m a picker – I look for bargains – but I never offer less than a dollar and usually pay the price people are asking. I’ll make offers on high priced things but they are reasonable and respectful offers – and I never argue with someone about what their stuff is worth. I make an offer with a smile and maybe an explanation and then they either take it or not – and usually, we’re both still smiling. The creeps that come to my sales will try to tell me that I don’t know what something is worth and when I tell them that I own an antique shop and do frequent appraissals – they sometimes go so far as to tell me I don’t know my business. This is the point I tell them that they should leave before we have a serious problem.

A guy today tried to tell me he could buy a new gas powered weed eater for $40 at Walmart. I pulled out my phone and showed him that they are actually $138.47 – a woman asked me how much for an old mill saw blade – I told her $10 and she said “I was thinking more of a dollar” – I told her “You can give me your dollar as a donation, but the blade stays here for any less than $10” at which point another lady handed me $10 – little did I know that my wife had just agreed to sell it to her for $15 – but that’s fair game.

The early birds piss me off as a picker, a seller, and as a human being. My ads and signs clearly state 8am, no early birds – and yet people still roll up at 6:30 and sometimes knock on the door to ask if they can look early…these same guys are doing the same things to other sellers and when i show up at the listed time – the good stuff is usually gone – nice guys finish last – what kind of world is this?

Estate sales are a different story – you set a time and lock the door, let the crowd build and work themselves up to a fever pitch then let them in an entry point and have a controlled exit where they can line up and pay for their purchases…no questions, no b.s. – everything is the price it is marked until the last day then it’s half price – of course, my friends that run estate sales tell horror stories about that too…

It’s the cheapohs – crabs at the bottom of the bucket trying to suck all the same shit and clawing each other to do it – next time – I’ll donate it if I can’t sell it on ebay or craigslist…


Flashback: Naked Pictures of McCains vice presidential pick. Sarah Palin.

I’m glad there aren’t any of Biden. Actually, I haven’t looked, there might be. These are not confirmed, but it looks like the real deal. From OSI There’s a conservative for you. Continue reading “Flashback: Naked Pictures of McCains vice presidential pick. Sarah Palin.”

Joseph and his wife were once looking for lodging…

Imagine if you will, a man and his very ill wife travelling and encountering nothing but problems. Imagine her vomiting as they rode a donkey over high mountains and tried to find warmth in the desert.

It’s one of the most familiar stories in Christianity and in Islam. The result is that they are turned away by innkeeper after innkeeper because he is a foreigner and finally they find rest in a stable with barnyard animals. The result in this story is the changing of the world. And we are left to wonder what hell took those who turned them away.

Let me tell you a different story. Of a man who would be married if not for government interference and a woman who would be his wife travelling with him. In this story, the desert is filled with rain and floods and her illness is not because she is with child. Leaving the flooding desert they take buses that take hours too long and along the way she vomits continually and cries to him that she thinks she will die. When she pees, her blood looks like urine and when they arrive in a land filled with hotels and thieves. Because of weather in the mountains they arrive very late when the streets are filled with thugs and thieves. The clerks at the hotels refuse them a room because they do not have a marriage certificate even though the two claim to be married, have rings, and the woman is obviously suffering and needs a bed badly. Finally, a man who claims to be a Muslim tells them that he will sell them two rooms but that they cannot sleep in the same room; The price is outrageous and the husband spends his night wondering if his wife has died, but takes the rooms to get her off of the dangerous streets and cold. As she vomits alone he paces and the smug innkeeper pockets four nights rent for one short night of sickness and worry…

As the husband paces he hears the innkeeper in the lobby that opens between the rooms and when he hears him praying loudly at dawn the husband sees that the world has learned nothing and voices a curse that this man buys food with his ill gotten money and that the food makes he and his wife ill and that the innkeeper is prevented from sitting by his sick wife by a hypocrite that chants Allah Ackbar while it is in his power to prevent suffering.

In a country where everyone is Muslim, it is amazing that so many have forgotten God and simply excercise the forms of faith without the realization of what God means. Most of humanity is not worth saving and it would be better if a plague killed most of us.

I have to go check on Hanane but if she has died, I hope it is a plague that I have caught and that I will be able to spread it to as many people as possible.

I would prefer to be the father of the scourge than the saviour.

WTO, Guns, Hawaii buses, Chuck Norris, and Lincolns Watch

First of all, since we have gotten to know Vago pretty well, we are amazed that Obama would consider making Gil Kerllikowski, the top cop in the WTO riot debacle the head of anything, but then, it was under Clinton that the actual repression of free speech began in the United States and the growth of the protest movement was stopped by Israeli tactics. For example, you can protest in this spot, about this issue, from this time to this time. We would like to remind people that protests are designed to check the power of oppressive institutions, not enforce it. Protesting in a cage wouldn’t have worked for Gandhi or King, though Mandella did do a nice job of it, but this is a different story. So, we are not encouraged to see a man who used rubber bullets and tear gas against mostly peaceful U.S. citizens in what might have been a defining moment of change being appointed to a position of power in what is being painted as a climate of change.

We do however give Obama credit for trying. And because we believe in signs and omens as written about in al-Quran we think it is hopeful to hear about the pocketwatch of Lincoln and the message in it, though since we are not only scary arab clowns but also suspicious ones, we wonder if the timing (get it?) is a set up.

Dillon told his children (and, half a century later, a reporter for the New York Times) that he opened the watch’s inner workings and scrawled his name, the date and a message for the ages: “The first gun is fired. Slavery is dead. Thank God we have a President who at least will try.”

He then closed it up and sent it back to the White House. Lincoln never knew of the message. Dillon died in 1907.

The watch, meanwhile, was handed down and eventually given to the Smithsonian Institution in 1958. It didn’t run anymore. No one had pried open the inner workings in ages. The old watchmaker’s tale was just that.

And then Douglas Stiles, Dillon’s great-great grandson, alerted Smithsonian officials to the family legend last month. He was a real-estate attorney in Waukegan, Ill., he explained. He’d heard the legend around the dinner table as a kid, but had just discovered a New York Times article from 1906, quoting Dillon as telling the story himself.

The truth was a little different though, yesterday the watch was opened. And the message was revealed as being not quite so psychic as it was thought to be. Split into three different sections to get around the tiny gears, was this razor-thin etching: “Jonathan Dillon April 13, 1861. Fort Sumter was attacked by the rebels on the above date. Thank God we have a government.”

We also want to wish Chuck Norris a happy 69th birthday. We enjoyed recently when he spoke about seccession from the United States by way of Texas. We think the United States would be a much better country without Texas and we can think of no one more inept, er qualified to preside over the lone star state than Chuck Norris or George W. Bush and frankly we are tired of Bush, at least Chuck Norris could fight with Putin and have a chance of winning.

We see that in Hawaii, the response to an increase in use of public transportation is to raise the cost of using the transport. We hate to be the one’s to tell the big oaf Mufi Hanneman, but this is bad economics and a bad way to help save the environment. Stupid greedy mormon fucker. Lower the fares, subsidize it more, and watch as your need for rail disappears…oh, wait a minute, maybe it is that you want more support for your rail plan….we get it.

We would also like to congratulate the U.S. government on training a new generation of Taliban and al-quaida leaders in Gitmo. We are not certain whether you released a leader or created one, but either way, good job.

U.S. officials say the Taliban’s new top operations officer in southern Afghanistan is a former prisoner at the Guantanamo detention center. Pentagon and CIA officials say Abdullah Ghulam Rasoul was among 13 prisoners released to the Afghan government in December 2007. He is now known as Mullah Abdullah Zakir, a name officials say is used by the Taliban leader in charge of operations against U.S. and Afghan forces in southern Afghanistan.

Also, we applaud your continued defense of a gun culture in your increasingly deadly country. We would be interested to see how many Americans have killed themselves with guns since the monetary crisis (thanks be to Allah) began. And we see this as just a beginning of your gun troubles, it’s a thorny crop you have planted, prepare for a bloody harvest.

At least 10 people including the suspected gunman and his mother were killed in a shooting spree and car chase in southern Alabama on Tuesday, authorities said.

The shooter, who was in his mid-30s, killed five people including the wife of a local deputy sheriff and her 3-month-old baby at a mobile home in Samson, according to Wynnton Melton, mayor of nearby Geneva, Alabama.

His other victims included his own mother, two people killed at a convenience store and a man in a pickup truck who died during a car chase as the gunman apparently fired at random, said Melton.

Mass shootings have become a feature of life in the United States.

In one of the worst recent incidents, a gunman dressed as Santa Claus killed nine guests at a Christmas Eve party, before taking his own life in Covina, California, a suburb of Los Angeles.

On April 16, 2007, Virginia Tech, a university in Blacksburg, Virginia, became the site of the deadliest rampage in modern U.S. history when a student gunman killed 32 people and himself.

Guns are widely available for purchase in the United States, a country that prides itself on the right to own weapons for self defense and hunting.

Nice work America. We are glad to be living someplace that is relatively safe like Morocco.

The decline and fall of the United States, Gandhi, and Corporate Death

We, the Scary Arab Clowns admit to taking a special joy in watching as the U.S. falls, but at the same time we are highly impressed with the steps the Obama administration is taking. We have convinced Vago not to give up his U.S. citizenship and he is even considering returning someday to his native land of birth. In any event, we think that things are going in the right direction and we bring you this update of the news we find most interesting in the world.

We admit that we are enjoying the blogging. We may start a new network called al-Clownzeera.

We think that Venezuela’s Chavez and the North Korean Kim Jong Il are only the vanguard of nations that will begin testing the limits of the United States.

President Hugo Chavez seized a unit of American food giant Cargill on Wednesday and threatened to take over Venezuela’s largest private company, renewing a nationalization drive as the OPEC nation’s oil income plunges.

A day after warning Washington against launching military exercises on South Korean soil, North Korea focused its rhetoric Thursday on its neighbor and warned of “powerful” retaliation if Seoul goes ahead with joint drills next week.

There will be other tests of the limits of United States power.

Kyrgyzstan will not reverse its decision to shut down a United States military air base, which is key for Washington’s war in Afghanistan, a spokesman for President Kurmanbek Bakiyev said on Thursday.

We like that Obama is doing things that go against conventional wisdom:

The Obama administration plans to expand a program to bolster Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas’s security forces in the occupied West Bank as part of a push for statehood, officials said on Thursday.

The debut of the two-pronged Making Home Affordable Program, focused on mortgage modification and refinancing, will likely be delayed for several weeks, though, as lenders prepare for the anticipated onslaught of borrowers’ looking for help.

We would also like to point out that if you want to treat your corporations like human binegs, you should consider making them mortal, that is, taking away the immortality of corps that are iresponsible and dangerous such as Eli Lilly.

Eli Lilly & Company’s rap sheet as a public menace is so long that for Lilly watchers to overcome the “banality-of-Lilly-sleaziness” phenomenon, the drug company must break some type of record measuring egregiousness. Lilly obliged earlier this year, receiving the largest criminal fine ever imposed on a corporation.

And we have a rather nice update on the soundtrack of the Fantastic Depression. We think it is more than likely it will be Phish. Link.

And here is an itneresting way to find a wife…”If you build a road, they will come” We call this the field of dreams method.

More than 100 Bachelors from a remote village in Bihar, India, are building a mountain road to the outside world to raise their eligibility among prospective brides. The village of Barwaan Kala is located high in the Kaimur hills and known locally as the “village of unmarried people.” The last wedding in the village was reportedly 50 years ago.


We find these two stories about Morocco interesting today.
1. Sufism in Moroccan Islam Link
2. EU Cooperation with Morocco to Increase Link

Finally we want everyone to know that if Gandhi’s eyeglasses go on auction we plan to buy them for $4.95 and if anyone else raises the bid we will cut off their head. Link.

Bush Shoe News

Just a quick look at how Bush is leaving office. I do wonder if the Bushplugs are sitting in the Smithsonian waiting to be exhibited someday.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Anti-war protesters were throwing shoes outside the gates of the White House on President Bush’s last day in office.

About 500 people marched to the White House and threw about 40 pairs of shoes at the gate while tourists looked on and took photos.

Supporters say they acted in solidarity with Muntadhar Al-Zeidi, the Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at Bush during a news conference in Baghdad in December.

The event was sponsored by several peace groups. Organizer Jamilla El-Shafei of Kennebunk, Maine, says the event allowed protesters to express their anger over Bush. She says he is “leaving with no accountability for eviscerating our Constitution.”

And in case you are wondering, the original shoe thrower is seeking asylum in Switzerland.