4 years in the USA

It was yesterday that we passed the 4 years in the USA milestone. Yes, of course, I was born here – but the milestone is in regards to my family – and our time together. We’ve been here 4 years now. For me personally, I lived abroad from January 2009 until April 2013 – just … Continue reading “4 years in the USA”

It was yesterday that we passed the 4 years in the USA milestone. Yes, of course, I was born here – but the milestone is in regards to my family – and our time together. We’ve been here 4 years now. For me personally, I lived abroad from January 2009 until April 2013 – just a little over four years. My wife spent her entire life without having ever been to the USA and so did my daughter at least until the age of one. So, yesterday, April 17th, 2017 marked four years for us in the USA. Here is what we have done:

We arrived in 2013 with three large suitcases and about $7000. We had no home and no jobs. My relatives turned us away and told us they had their own problems to deal with – despite their assurances while we were abroad that they ‘had our backs’ until we were on our feet. I should have known better than to trust relatives.

I bought a $1500 car and moved my wife, 1-year-old daughter and myself into a foreclosure squat with a friend from high school in Sacramento while I looked for work in Silicon Valley. I quickly learned that over forty meant too old to get a job in the Bay Area.

I moved my family to the town on the West Coast that had the lowest incidence of child molesters combined with the lowest rent. I paid our expenses buying at thrift shops, yard sales, and estate sales and then selling on Ebay. Then I opened an antique mall space. Then I started selling in flea markets. Then I opened an antique store in our new town. Then I started publishing a small town news-sheet. Then I ran for public office but lost after only getting 33% of the vote. Then I realized that small town elected positions are volunteer only and decided to focus on my family and business.

Then I ran my business for a couple of years. Now, here I am, but not very satisfied with my existence…now, I am ready to change…meanwhile my wife became a citizen, my daughter started kindergarten and dance classes, and we have become a part of this small town…

Now, what to do?

Schools are not safe in the USA – Nowhere in the USA is, actually

Another child murdered in a school today in the USA. 8 years old – doing nothing but going to school. I keep thinking of someone telling me it is irresponsible to travel overseas with my child – too dangerous – yes, but not as dangerous as staying home and sending my child to school. I blame this on capitalism – pure and simple. Guns are a business, government is a business, education is a business, crime is a business – people are the raw materials. Capitalism has turned us into resources- anyone ever asked you what you are worth? How do you answer? In cash. We sell our time, we sell our energy, we sell our health, we sell our safety – and the buyers are the masters of capital. We could have a society where people are safe, taken care of, fulfilled – but instead we have a society where some people own other people and we are measured (like it or not) by how much credit we have. Shylock’s Good Man wasn’t good in deed, but good for a debt – and that is how we are judged. It’s no wonder that people lose track of their intrinsic self worth and the intrinsic self worth of others. It’s no wonder that madmen are stealing guns from stores called Armageddon and sending manifestos of revolution to billionaire presidents. How long before someone lights themselves on fire in a way that starts the fire that burns this society down? Not sustainable. Capitalism is not sustainable.

The Joy of an Ebay Auction

I’m watching an auction right now….it’s something I want, but don’t need yet, but will need eventually, so I’ve been watching a few auctions. Most of them have gone for way too much – this one though – the price is right – at the moment, but there are 27 minutes left, so that can change in a bit. I’ve learned that bidding too soon is a mistake and only drives the price higher, but so has everyone else. The price just went up by $10…. 16 minutes left. We are all only waiting for the last five minutes and ideally the last minute…if it hasn’t gone past my limit by the last minute, I’ll punch in my highest price and hope that no one else goes higher…but they might…that’s the risk I take, but then, I know what the most I want to pay is, and I only give myself time for one bid – if the pre-last-minute-bids exceed my maximum, than I will watch another auction. And wait…and of course, the rule of whatever that is…oh, Murphy’s Law…says that just before I punch in my last minute winning bid, the internet will cut out, there will be a household emergency, or the power will go off…it happens all the time, or at least we notice when it happens and when it doesn’t we don’t notice but this time, we will all be aware of it – you and me that is….down to 11 minutes now…me and the six people waiting for the last minute are on the edge of our seats for 10 minutes – this is really living – and it’s not like a live auction where a last minute bidder can steal it from you – ebay runs on time, not energy – so we have all learned that if you wait until the end – you might get a bargain but if you bid early, you are screwed and only screwing yourself further…it’s gone up $30 since I started this post…oh, the agony of waiting but the orgasmic thrill of actually being alive every moment as the seconds tick down…this is life (as we know it) this is living (as we know it) this is the thrill of the hunt (as we know it). It’s hard to contain myself, to keep myself for premature ebidulation, I am so excited, oh my goodness….the last time I did this, I got distracted and punched in my final bid two seconds too late and missed the deal of the century…(is my tongue too firmly in my cheek as I write this) but wait, here we are at five minutes and I still have a chance…should I bid now, no wait, wait. Hold back man….these are either real professional masters of self control or maybe I’m the only one watching in this heightened state of excitement….how can they not be bidding? How can I? It’s at the point where I need to just go watch the clock now…you will have to wonder if I won or not…(but the price went up by 300% in the last minute!)

Using Missiles to Deflect Corruption

Here we go – stories about the Russian influence on the US Presidential Election and over the US President and his administration have grown in credibility and have recently reached the point where it is hard for even the administration’s supporters to continue to deny. What’s a billionaire-populist under attack to do when attacks on former Presidents and former presidential candidates aren’t working any longer? When even the power of a crazy sounding tweet is not drowning out the real sounding stories of a government sold to the highest bidder? What can possibly save a president with the lowest approval ratings ever, a buffoon who is even being called an idiot by the terrorists? When the sexy picture of his former model wife gets less attention than the former first lady with her hair in a headband, what to do? Oh, yeah, start a war. Attack a sovereign nation. Attack a sovereign nation where US troops are currently advising a ground war and where two of our most formidable adversaries are allied and have troops deployed…yeah, that should do the trick. Launch 50 cruise missiles…start a war. Watch how quick the networks build colorful breaking news banners and stop reporting on corruption, collusion with Russia, and the overall ineffectiveness of this administration…

The Greatest Dilemma aka The Parent’s Dilemma

Maybe you have to be me to understand this one, but I’m guessing that you only have to be a sort of half way self aware parent of a child that you truly love to understand it – this – my greatest dilemma.

I want my child to grow up and be happy and find success and joy and love and be able to deal with the world.

And the world is completely fucked up.

Am I supposed to turn my child into yet another completely fucked up, money obsessed, neurotic asshole? Should I teach her how to be a really good person despite the fact that our world chews up, spits out, and completely fucks over really good people?

Or should I teach her to be a sort of economic terminator that buys low, sells high, always makes the career expanding move, exploits the stupid career limiting moves of others, and who always takes the move that advances her interests (or the interests of those she is interested in)?

It’s a sort of expanded level of prisoner’s dilemma. Which, if you aren’t familiar with game theory, goes like this: (thanks Wikipedia)

The prisoner’s dilemma is a standard example of a game analyzed in game theory that shows why two completely “rational” individuals might not cooperate, even if it appears that it is in their best interests to do so. It was originally framed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher working at RAND in 1950. Albert W. Tucker formalized the game with prison sentence rewards and named it, “prisoner’s dilemma” (Poundstone, 1992), presenting it as follows:

Two members of a criminal gang are arrested and imprisoned. Each prisoner is in solitary confinement with no means of communicating with the other. The prosecutors lack sufficient evidence to convict the pair on the principal charge. They hope to get both sentenced to a year in prison on a lesser charge. Simultaneously, the prosecutors offer each prisoner a bargain. Each prisoner is given the opportunity either to: betray the other by testifying that the other committed the crime, or to cooperate with the other by remaining silent. The offer is:
If A and B each betray the other, each of them serves 2 years in prison
If A betrays B but B remains silent, A will be set free and B will serve 3 years in prison (and vice versa)
If A and B both remain silent, both of them will only serve 1 year in prison (on the lesser charge)
It is implied that the prisoners will have no opportunity to reward or punish their partner other than the prison sentences they get, and that their decision will not affect their reputation in the future. Because betraying a partner offers a greater reward than cooperating with them, all purely rational self-interested prisoners would betray the other, and so the only possible outcome for two purely rational prisoners is for them to betray each other. The interesting part of this result is that pursuing individual reward logically leads both of the prisoners to betray, when they would get a better reward if they both kept silent. In reality, humans display a systemic bias towards cooperative behavior in this and similar games, much more so than predicted by simple models of “rational” self-interested action. A model based on a different kind of rationality, where people forecast how the game would be played if they formed coalitions and then maximized their forecasts, has been shown to make better predictions of the rate of cooperation in this and similar games, given only the payoffs of the game.

An extended “iterated” version of the game also exists, where the classic game is played repeatedly between the same prisoners, and consequently, both prisoners continuously have an opportunity to penalize the other for previous decisions. If the number of times the game will be played is known to the players, then (by backward induction) two classically rational players will betray each other repeatedly, for the same reasons as the single-shot variant. In an infinite or unknown length game there is no fixed optimum strategy, and Prisoner’s Dilemma tournaments have been held to compete and test algorithms.

The prisoner’s dilemma game can be used as a model for many real world situations involving cooperative behaviour. In casual usage, the label “prisoner’s dilemma” may be applied to situations not strictly matching the formal criteria of the classic or iterative games: for instance, those in which two entities could gain important benefits from cooperating or suffer from the failure to do so, but find it merely difficult or expensive, not necessarily impossible, to coordinate their activities to achieve cooperation.

So, should I teach my child to be a drone, a thinking, good person, or a mercenary ? Which option maximizes her happiness in the future? Is she going to be happier if she is successful or if she is good or if she is a part of the system? This is what I call the parent’s dilemma.

So, here is the dilemma in pretty simple terms. I can teach my child to be successful in this world, which makes her a part of what I see to be the problem or I can teach her to not be part of the problem, which from what I have experienced and continue to see will make her unsuccessful. There does not seem to be a middle way in this particular dilemma – at least no middle way that exists in the United States of America.

Proof that the world is sort of f***ed up

Two of the most popular posts I’ve ever written on this site are

http://www.chrisdamitio.com/little-xxx-house-on-the-prairie/ (which details how Finland accidentally gave the DVD release of Little House on the Prairie – one of the most beloved family programs ever made in the USA (based on a beloved set of children’s books) with an adult’s only rating. The google search that finds it is “Little House on the Prairie Porn”

And the other is this: http://www.chrisdamitio.com/running-animal-porn-north-korea-food-and-suicide/ where I griped that I was tired of getting comments with links to animal porn on my site – and google decided that as a result – they would send people looking for ‘animal porn’ to my site…

And, here I am griping about both these posts and no doubt filtering more people who want to see the Ingles Family breeding their livestock, but not in a positive family friendly way. If that isn’t f***ed up, I don’t know what is.